the debacle Of getting It

Why cant i just love you

why do we have to fight for my feelings

i think i think

i think i enjoy your fingers

the way they try to pierce through my skin and smash my heart into pieces

just to make the most mundane of feelings and emotions come out

I think i enjoy the process way more

than i enjoy the happiness on your face when i say a few words and that's why

you'll always have to fracture my ribs, stomp your way to see them because they're there

and they're for you but im not courageous enough to

say it to your face... i might be courageous enough but i just enjoy the pain

i think i understand why your shadow doesn't fall on me any more

i think i understand why you've different lips to kiss i think i get it.

i mean

i dont. i dont. i dont.

i dont get it at all.

i do i do get it, no i dont.

i get it because im a rational

human being

i dont because i fucking want you and that that…

I miss being able to speak out loud the words

locked in my chest i miss that.

I miss having a person who would crack through my ribs to get them out because those are at the end of the day razorblades and they need to be spoken out loud

to become dandelions and sunflowers.

I miss that.

And i think that fucking hurts. It's ok i get it.

I get why you found different hands to grab and a different waist to hold. It’s ok.

I mean you dont need my forgiveness rather i should be begging

you for mine but it’s ok because

i will never ask twice and

you've asked a time too many.

If you're helping someone else out their boots or lending your jacket to them i get it.

I wish it weren't the case but

i get it i get i get it i get it

-p