i am... human

Last week, I threw my corpse to the back of my closet. I remember how she looked. Maybe a little too clearly than I want to. There was no blood, no tears, no vomit, no stench. I dragged it out after a couple of days and left it right outside my door like any other trash. With no ceremony or respect. There was nothing human left anyway.

But now, I am a human without a shell. I am alive (at least the pulsating nerve on my hand says so) though I don’t live the same way. I have people I love and people who love me, but no one who asked what happened to my skin after I tossed it out like a broken radio. I am a human and I get texts every once in a while but all speak of the same things. I know I am alive because I live a life I am grateful for, but I don't have the gratitude in me that I know it deserves. I am a human and I could pull out my eyes to show you what I’ve seen and where I've been.

Since I threw away my corpse, I haven’t showered, I don’t know how long it’s been, and food doesn’t have a taste in my mouth but I am a human. The only person who kept me sane is no more with me and the house is mad at me and won’t shut up since she’s been gone.

I am a human. You mocked my goodbyes yesterday, are they finally serious enough for you today? I’m a not-so-good-good student trying to excel at something I hate.

My stupid heart is throbbing too loud tonight, memories are sweating out of my skin and my fears are pooling in the crescents of the moon under my eyes. I have everything I need and yet nothing I want. All I am is a human without a corpse.

-s