Definitive

The potholes still know my name

And their pain is not mine to claim

Not going to give me fame

But i remember the shattering of my knees

The way they gave out

the slight tremor in the earth

To cause those holes in the road

I only feel alive when I'm in pain

i'm only aware of my breath when

I'm struggling to let it out

But she did always say

Sometimes we have to choke to learn to breathe again

Now im choking

There’s no smoke hurting lungs

No smoke burning your skin

but still

My eyes hurt her

and they're bawling

Baby don't you cry

all our memories are stored in your eyes.

and I can't have you wash them away, not now not ever

She doesn't say that

so now im eating fruit

stuck my fork in the sweet green cantaloupe,

twisted the piece for better grip,

and when I tell you I've never been more envious of a fruit,

wishing it were my throat that had piercing metal rammed across

I head out to the shops

Left-right up and above I looked everywhere

for a shop, I could afford to buy my smiles from

Only the church had them

and it was expensive and i was poor

so i prayed

the atheist praying how comic

yet at the altar at love,

religion may hold no meaning

but she does and i know no other way to show her love

without splitting myself down my spine and offering myself

in this stained glass chapel

Maybe if the god of that church accepts the offering

I'll be able to buy my smiles again

and laughter will come back but you never will

another girl in your hall of fame

maybe you've forgotten my name

maybe its best i do too