A moment

Two young girls jump in joy

Celebrating growing up

The passage of time

Entering a phase of growth, of unprecedented change, of autonomy

Perhaps that's why they're excited for change

But I'm not, I'm worried all the time

I'm worried that life is passing by me

I'm worried that I'm losing my grip on my youth

I'm worried I'll never amount to something

Stressing over what assignments I have due, what chapter I have left to study for my finals…

Finals, the definite marking that the academic year has ended, the telltale sign of the sand falling in an irreversible hourglass.

Panic strikes, every time I brush my hair, or catch hair strands on my pillowcase

Yes, 100 strands worth of hair fall is natural but these seem like more a lot more a lot more’

I stand up, my knee creaks just this once

My under-eye houses just a wrinkle

I lose all my sleep because of it

I reminisce about the past

The warmth in its embrace

A kid, carefree

Enjoying my time in school with no real consequences

The warm sunshine on the bench during those typical icy winds in the Egyptian weather

Singing gibberish at the back of the bus

Catching sunsets boating on the Nile with people I thought would be in my life

For longer than they were if not forever

But that's all I remember

I'm 18 I should have more memories and less worries

Between the tug of war of the comfort and familiarity of the past as seen through my rose-tinted glasses and the uncertainty of a future I can't really control, whispers the present

Truly like a gift, it deafens the chaos

And reminds me I can only have a beautiful past and an exciting future if I live in the now

Focus on all of now’s glory:

The pretty the ugly the messy the organized the expected the unexpected

It is here that I can LIVE and not just recall or contemplate

-P