past

One day you will find yourself sitting still on the floor of your apartment at 5 AM with the weight of all the bad thoughts and you'll acknowledge your every little insecurity. You will laugh over your past and cry over the small things. You might even text random people and desperately seek some kind of validation. But all the while, you’ll know that the only validation you need is from that one person, a desperate call for help that makes you want to scream at the world asking why it doesn’t understand you. You'll learn to leave before you get left so much so that it’ll become hard for you to stay because you’ve never stayed for so long. And how is one even supposed to handle sadness when the only way you’ve ever known to manage your pain is by running away?

When your mind is numb, and you’re picking at your nails while craving something different and fearing change, you’ll realize that you will fall again, and even though it’ll be just as scary as before, this time the landing won’t be hard. And you will love deeper, you will love more fearlessly, you will love more.

And wouldn't that be a brave and beautiful thing to do, to love in spite of your trauma?

Because then you will finally jump through the fire exit of your burning memories and you will cradle the fragments of past you didn't want to live with and you'll console them or yourself, the line will be all blurry. You’ll whisper: there, there. It’s okay. We are okay. We aren’t burning anymore. We survived.

-s